Don't Want To Win, Can't Afford To Lose
by BuffysGirl
Summary: Alice's POV. Alice has a vision, but who is this girl and why would she cause Alice to do the unthinkable?
1. Chapter 1

Don't Want To Win, Can't Afford To Lose

Genre: Twilight

Pairing: Bella/Alice

Rated M

The Italicized song lyrics are from Halestorm's Familiar Taste of Poison which I highly suggest you listen to because it perfectly conveys how i felt when I wrote this.

**AN:** This is my first Twilight fic (or any fic really). Also I never read the books so pretty much going off movies and other fics, not that their is much plot to this one. I'm thinking of making it a series but it might stay a one-shot we'll see. This is a girl on girl lemon so if it's not your thing, see ya! Reviews always welcome.

_Drink the wine my darling, you said. Take your time and consume all of it._

I know it should feel wrong, but nothing ever felt more right in my whole undead life. She lowered herself onto my body, hot flushed skin meeting cool marble. Our lips met, just the gentlest of brushes before her lips were moving down my chin, around my jaw, down my neck. Her hands ran up my sides, brushing lightly over the outside of my breasts. A soft sigh escaped out into the quiet forest clearing, taking a moment for me to realize it was me.

_But the roses were only to drain my inspiration. The promises were spoiled before they left your lips and…_

Rolling over to be on top, I look down into her eyes. Just for a moment I allow myself to be swallowed into their depths, like drowning in a starry night sky. I run my eyes over her naked moonlit body, memorizing every beautiful detail. I feel whole, complete. Like I've come home. She's so warm, it's like curling up to a fire. I run my fingertips ever so lightly up her stomach, watching as the muscles dance and twitch. A small giggle escapes her lips, followed by a soft moan as my fingers teasingly brush over a stiff nipple.

_I breathe you in again just to feel you underneath my skin. Holding onto the sweet escape is always laced with a familiar taste of poison._

I lower my lips to hers once again, running my tongue slowly over her bottom lip. As our tongues dance together, I bring my left hand up to knead her perfect breast in my hand gently. Her hips come up slightly, searching for some kind of friction instinctively. I slide my body lower down her body, sucking a nipple firmly, but gently into my mouth as I gently twist the other between my fingers. I'm rewarded with a moan as she arches her back.

_I tell myself that you're no good for me. I wish you well but desire never leaves._

I rake my nails up her stomach as I kiss my way down it, stopping to dip my tongue into her belly button.

"Are you sure you want to do this? There is no going back."

She props herself up on her elbow and looks down at me, my naked body covering hers. She reaches out to cup my cheek and I can see all the love in the world in her eyes.

"I've never wanted anything more in my whole life."

_I could fight this till the end, but maybe I don't wanna win._

A wave of happiness, followed by an intense wave of sadness comes over me and I look away from her. She sits the rest of the way up forcing me up onto my knees. A tear escapes one of her eyes before she grabs my face with both hands and brings our lips crashing together. No more is it soft and gentle. It is passion and need. We battle for dominance a moment before I push her back to the ground, our lips never losing each other. I brace myself up on my left hand, my right moving down her body.

_I breathe you in again just to feel you underneath my skin. Holding onto the sweet escape is always laced with a familiar taste of poison._

I softly run my fingertips over her most sensitive area. Her hips buck violently up into my hand and our lips finally part. I slowly circle her nub, watching her face as she pants and moans, squirming beneath my body. I give her one last smile as I slide back down to settle my head between her legs. I breathe in deeply, implanting every sensation into my memory, the smell of her, the sight of her open before me. I run my tongue over her, taking in the taste of her for the first time and it's almost as if time stops.

"Please Alice…" I love the way she pants out my name. My mind is spinning, my body aching for her. A shiver runs down my spine.

_I__ don__'__t__ wanna__ be__ saved, __I __don__'__t __wanna__ be __sober,__ I__ want__ you __on __my __mind._

"I love you, Bella." Before she can respond I start to flick my tongue over her clit, causing her to cry out. Her hips start to roll with the rhythm I've started. Gently, I slide two fingers up into her warmth. She is so wet. I can feel her walls clenching, as if trying to pull all of me into her. I curl my fingers within her, searching out that most special spot.

_In __my__ dreams__ behind __these__ eyes __and__ I__ wanna__ wake __up,__ no__ not__ this__ time._

"Oh…Alice! So close." And I know it's the truth. Her hips buck, forcing me into a faster rhythm as my fingers slide in and out, each bump to her G-spot bringing her that much closer to climax. I feel a lump in my throat and, for the first time, am grateful that vampires can't cry. I add pressure to her clit with my tongue and feel her walls quiver, knowing she's about to come crashing over the edge. I turn my head and place a light kiss to her thigh before biting down into it, filling her with my venom.

_I breathe you in again just to feel you underneath my skin. _

Ecstasy burns through me as I take her precious life into myself. For a second I forget my love and feel nothing but the lust for blood. It bursts through me and I climax, taking her with me. The moans she makes snap me back into myself and I stop drinking from her, never feeling like more of a monster in my long existence. I withdraw my fingers slowly from within her dripping folds and move up to hold her as she comes back to herself.

"I love you too Alice."

I bury my face in her hair and breathe her scent in as deeply as possible, sobs choked in my throat and eyes burning with tears that can never be shed.

_Holding on to the sweet escape is always laced with a familiar taste of poison._

I hold her as her heart starts to slow, already mourning the sound of it. I cling to her warmth in these last fleeting moments. She turns to me and kisses my lips chastely and looks in my eyes. They are not filled with tears or sadness but instead filled with love.

"I'm not afraid." She smiles and leans in to kiss me again when her back arches in pain and she's racked with the first ravages of the transformation.

I snap back to myself and realize that Carlisle is talking.

"So it's decided, we're moving back to Forks." Edward catches my eye and whispers to me conspiratorially "Who's Bella?"

I don't know, but I guess we're going to find out.

To Be Continued!


	2. Chapter 2

Don't Want To Win, Can't Afford to Lose Chapter 2

**AN**: Ok I rushed this one just a little bit, but I really wanted to get this story going and give you guys some more. Hope the change in title isn't too confusing. I have no beta and it's five in the morning here so sorry if there's any mistakes. Thanks so much for all the reviews, you are the reason the story continues. Enjoy!

**AN2: **Ok, looking back at this fully awake, it's not too bad. Just forgot to mention, there is no Jasper in this story, he just doesn't exist.

My vision filled me with both a sense of longing and a sense of dread. Why would I turn that girl? Even if I found myself in love with a human how could I ever take that precious life from them? Condemn them to a souless existence spent traipsing around the earth in search of blood. Stuck to wander this world, yet not really be a part of it.

No, I wouldn't turn her. I made the decision almost immediately. I was taking my vision for the warning that it was and swore to myself that if I truly ended up loving this girl I would not waste her most precious life.

I look over to see Edward staring at me, along with the rest of my family. They share glances with each other before their gazes settle on me. Carlisle and Esme, sitting together on the couch, stare at me expectantly, patiently waiting for an answer to a question I realize I haven't heard as I was wading knee-deep in my thoughts. Rosalie, sitting in an armchair, a magazine opened in her lap, quirks an eyebrow at me inquisitively while Emmett's glance flicks back and forth between Edward and me.

"I'm sorry, what?" I take a deep breath unnecessarily and let it out in a sigh, pushing myself out of my dead stillness and fidgeting in my chair slightly.

"Edward asked who Bella is and I asked if you had a vision." Esme clarifies, smiling patiently at me. I smile warmly back at my mother, the only one I can ever remember having, this family the only one I have ever really known. I look over to Edward and eye him suspiciously.

"How much did you read?" It was most unusual for Edward to read me at all. Usually I keep my thoughts locked up tighter than Fort Knox so as not to bombard him with my visions.

"Just one word: Bella. It was loud though, like a scream." He shoots a quick half smirk in my direction and I get the idea he knows just what type of screaming was going on in my vision.

I take a moment to be thankful I can't blush while I contemplate just how much of this I want to share. Our family is tight knit, we don't keep secrets from one another and it's not as if we go turning people every day. No, this was something big. But I had already decided I wasn't going to do it. Maybe it would just be better not to worry any one. Besides, I haven't even met the beautiful girl from my vision yet so what could be the harm in at least waiting to see if the vision changed over time

"A girl I haven't met yet, I don't know. It was harmless though, nothing to worry about." I plaster a smile on my face and everyone seems to be satisfied with my answer.

The vision refuses to stay locked away in the back of my mind, coming to the forefront of my thoughts when the sun goes down and the night goes quiet. As I lay reading I allow myself to wonder about the mysterious girl in my vision. Bella. No name on earth could suit her better. A flash of memory, my hands running over her creamy white skin.

I stretch out on the couch in my bedroom, the book I had lying open on my stomach forgotten as it falls to the floor. My fingers begin to trace lightly over my tummy where my hands were resting. Her body had been so soft and warm. Just the memory of her soft sighs and moans is enough to make my body tighten down low.

My fingers skim downward, dipping below the waistband of my black silk panties. I'm surprised to find how wet I am already, though I probably shouldn't be. I tease my sensitive bud, lightly rubbing my finger back and forth across it. My body is throbbing with need after only a couple of minutes. I use my left hand to tease my nipple as I enter myself with two fingers, gasping quietly into the stillness. I'm getting close now and I would swear I am back in that forest clearing. I can hear her pants and moans as she nears the promised peak of ecstasy. As I topple over the edge, ragged breaths and muffled cries give way to one whispered word.

"Bella."

The next couple months pass fairly quickly. Time seems to move differently when you literally have all the time in the world. Returning to Forks has its charms and its downfalls, the main one being our most unfriendly, flea-infested neighbors. Truly I don't hate the wolves, but it's hard to have warm fuzzy feelings for someone who clearly despises you. But the treaty is necessary and we will do what is necessary to ensure our peaceful existence. And unfortunately, there's another necessary evil to endure, high school. For what seems like the millionth time Emmett, Rose, Edward and I matriculate with the local teenagers.

School has been in session for a month already. All the inevitable Cullen rumors seem to be dying down now as the novelty has worn off. In fact yesterday was the first time we walked into the cafeteria at lunch without hearing our names being whispered in the corners of the room, a trend I hope will continue as I round the corner next to Edward trailing behind Emmett and Rose.

My smile is bright as I bounce into the lunch room. I am heading towards our usual table and it appears as if we are fortunate enough to see two days in a row without the entertaining rumors circulating the school. Emmett and Edward are debating about some stupid topic or other I'm not sure of because I tuned them out ten minutes ago.

"That's the Cullens."

Or not. Oh well, it will probably be more interesting than whatever Edward and Emmett are talking about. As we pass by a table to my right, I hear her voice.

"The Cullens?"

Bella's here.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN **Thanks again for all the reviews! I am super psyched every time I get an email to my phone saying there's a new one and my brain starts working out plot lines so you all have an immediate effect on the progress of this fic. So unfortunately, this chapter has a little bit of regurgitation from the movie but hopefully because of the prospective it's written in you can still enjoy it. Bear with me this chapter as it will stray farther from the original plot from here on out. Mostly :D

I would recognize her voice anywhere. I feel like I've heard it a thousand times repeating in my mind. Edward's eyes meet mine and we share a look as we take our seats at our usual table where our trays of food will sit untouched for the next 20 minutes of our lunch period. Glancing off to my right, I see her. At a table with several other students, some of which I recognize and a couple I don't, she sits. They appear to be filling her in on the strangeness of me and my family, and for the first time it actually bothers me a little.

"They're um…Doctor and Mrs. Cullen's foster kids. They moved down here from Alaska, like, a few months ago." The girl talking to her I recognize as Jessica. Could Bella not have found anyone else in this school to ask about us? No, instead she's asks the _one_ person currently holding a grudge with a member of our house-hold. Not too long ago she asked, well more like insisted, Edward to ask her out on a date. Let's just say she didn't react well when Edward scoffed in her face before she could even finish her sentence. I hide a smirk behind my hand at the memory and take another glance over towards their table only to lock eyes with Bella. She shoots me a half smile and turns back towards her table of gossipers.

"They kind of keep to themselves." Another girl, this one I recognize as the girl that takes pictures for the school paper, but I've never met her.

"Yeah, cause they're all totally weird. Um, the blond girl, that's Rosalie, and the big, dark haired guy Emmett? They're together. Like together, together. I'm not even sure that's legal." Across the table from me, I watch as Rosalie rolls her eyes and Emmett stifles a chuckle.

"Jess, they're not actually related," the other girl interjects once again.

"Yeah, but they live together. That's weird. Anyway the totally gorgeous guy is Edward Cullen, but apparently nobody here's good enough for _him_." Jessica put a little venom in her voice on that one. She's definitely still holding that grudge. "Like I care, ya know? So yeah, seriously, don't waste your time." I cast my eyes over to Edward and giggle lightly as the amused look on his face melts into one of indignation at Bella's next words.

"Wasn't planning on it." And she spit them out like she was affronted by the mere suggestion. As my laughter tapers off I look over to her again to find she's been watching me the last few seconds, but as I catch her she turns back to whisper conspiratorially once more.

"So who's she?"

"The little dark haired girl? That's Alice. She's really weird."

The bell signaling the end of lunch rings and we make our way out of the cafeteria. Edward and I part ways with Emmett and Rosalie. As we're heading towards our next classes, he bumps me gently with his elbow.

"So that's Bella? The one from the vision?" He smirks at me and I smile brightly back at him.

"Yep, that's her." I bounce cheerfully down the hall next to Edward. He appears as if he wants to say something more, but instead he gives a slight shake of his head, shoots me a quick smile and we part ways as well.

As I head for my English class, I'm struck with a vision.

Edward. He's sitting in a class room. It looks like Biology. Bella enters the room and introduces herself to the teacher. A fan blows steadily at the door. As the air heads into the room towards Edward, I can see his hunger rise. He does a terrible job of covering it, but he manages to maintain control. Bella looks slightly offended as she takes her seat and whispers over to him.

"What is your problem man?"

"I must have ate something bad at lunch. I'm not feeling so good." He lies to her and she lets it go, not caring beyond that.

My vision flashes through the rest of class and I'm relieved to see he maintains control throughout, though he is in extreme discomfort and as the bell rings he runs for the door.

The vision is worrisome, but as nothing too terrible happens and I'm already about to be late class I decide he's just going to have to persevere through it.

At the end of the day I head out into the parking lot. Today Edward and I had driven together and Rosalie and Emmett had come in Emmett's Jeep. I'm leaning against the car waiting for him when I spot Bella emerging from the front doors of the school. Some of the other students are saying goodbye to her and she smiles back at them, but it doesn't seem to reach her eyes. She rubs her temples with her fingers as she climbs into her truck and starts it.

Finally, I notice Edward exiting the building and push myself away from the car. I swing my arms slightly as I skip over to the passenger side and wait patiently for Edward to open the doors. His body is rigid and tense.

"Rough day?" I ask him as we climb into the car. He closes his door and takes a beat before he answers me.

"You could say that. It seems I share a class with your Bella. Biology in fact. Alice, there is something strange about that girl. I can't read her. It's just blank. Blocked. And that's not the only weird thing about her either. I almost lost control sitting by her. Her scent. It's so…strong. And good."

"I know, I saw it in a vision."

"Well thanks for the warning." He pretends to be angry for all of five seconds as we exit the lot before shooting me a half smile.

"You should hunt tonight Edward. I'll join you. I haven't been out for a while." At that, Edward inserts a CD of classical music and we enjoy a quiet ride the rest of the way home.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: **Hello again! So here's a little survey for you. Personally, when reading a story I think short chapters are annoying, but at the same time it's nice to have frequent updates. Let me know your opinions in a review and I will take it into consideration when updating. Thanks for all the comments so far, they make me smile :D No Bella this chapter but she will be back in 5 for sure! Here's chapter 4!

The night is peaceful and quiet. I sniff at the air and signal with my left hand to Edward that our prey is just off to the left and a bit ahead. I can feel the anticipation of the kill, of the feed, tightening in my muscles, tension coiling like a spring. The craving rises and my body yearns for blood. He nods to me, his usually golden eyes dark with hunger, with the monster we truly are on the inside. The creatures we suppress with every passing moment to cling to the bit of humanity we try to live our eternal lives by. It's not an easy life, but we find happiness and that is why we do it. What truly matters is our sense of family, of love. However now is not the time to think on love, but of death as I let my instincts take me over.

With our vampire quickness, we barrel towards our prey, one graceful deer. She tries to run, hops over a fallen log, but she stands no chance against our supernatural speed. Edward gets there first and catches it around the neck. With a sharp twist, she is done and we descend upon her, digging our teeth in and tearing flesh. We gorge ourselves on her essence as her life leaves her body, growing still and rigid under our fingers. Like warmth to spread through my cold dead flesh, I feel it strengthen me. The hunger subsides, the constant gnawing ache for blood dimming to a dull throb for a while. Until it is time to seek out our next meal.

We glide through the forest together afterwards, casually strolling under the moonlight, sated and content. The woods are beautiful during the day, but at night they come alive. Chirping and hooting, the night creatures come out to skitter around us, as if sensing our nocturnal connection. Off to our right I notice a brightness and reach out to tug gently on Edward's hand, leading him towards it. We break through the tree line into a clearing.

The clearing is lovely, wild flowers blooming around a patch of soft looking grass. I fling out my arms, giggling and twirling in delight.

"Isn't this beautiful? Can we rest here a moment Edward, I just want to enjoy it." I take a moment to dance around in the flowers, reaching a hand out to graze my fingertips along the petals.

"Of course." He shoots me a loving smile and lies in the grass in the middle of the clearing, practically glowing under the rays of moonlight filtering down. I settle into a sense of calm, one that always seems to elude me during the daylight hours. Only in the dark stillness of the night can I ever truly feel at ease. I sit down in the grass next to my brother and it dawns on me. This clearing, it is familiar to me. I realize I have been here before. In a vision. With Bella.

"What is it Alice?" My face must have given something away as my eyes search the clearing, taking in the little details until there is no modicum of doubt that this is the place.

I sigh and lie back with my hands under my head, turned to look at Edward. I suddenly feel guilty about keeping my vision from him. As personal as some of it was, there is a chance I could turn someone. That could prove dangerous for not just me but my whole family, not to mention it would break our treaty with the wolves. Somebody needs to know, to watch my back and keep me from making any mistakes.

"This place, Bella and I were here in my vision. Edward, in this clearing I…" I taper off, not exactly sure how to say it, but I can trust Edward with my life. He is sensitive and compassionate. He cares for me greatly and looks out for me. A better brother could not be asked for. If anyone can understand how I feel, it will be him.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." He scoots closer, snuggling me into his side a little. "But if you do, I'm here to listen."

I open my mind to him, finding the conversation easier to handle without having to actually speak.

_We made love, here in the grass. I told her I loved her and I know I meant it. And then I bit her. I don't know if she survived the turn. My vision ended just as it started._

I watch the shock on his face dissipate, settling into a look of sympathy. He contemplates my situation for a long moment. The silence stretching between us however is not tense and I feel a burden has been lifted off my shoulders with my confession.

"We know your visions are…subjective. We'll just have to wait and see what the story is. Can't have an ending without a beginning." He sits up quickly, a goofy grin breaking out on his face.

"Race you home!"


End file.
